


KIDDENS

by zsomeone



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, M/M, MagicRat, Mpreg, Terrible things, troll-fic, what the hell is that cat-thing even really?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(reposting my submission)</p><p>THE RABID TROLL-PREG FIC CONTEST GUIDLINES    </p><p>1) DOES NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE TO TAKE PLACE IN THE RT UNIVERSE, BUT IT CAN IF YOU WANT. MAY INCLUDE ANY CHARACTERS FROM ANY FFVII UNIVERSE – INCLUDING BEFORE CRISIS, CRISIS CORE, FFVII, ADVENT CHILDREN, AND DIRGE OF CERBERUS.</p><p>2) ANY PAIRING ACCEPTED. ANY. IF YOU HAVE A SECRET FETISH FOR JENOVA/CHOCOBO SAGE, GO FOR IT!</p><p>3) MUST INCLUDE MPREG! I MEAN COME ON, IT’S MY CONTEST, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? MPREG DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE FOCUS OF THE FIC, BUT SOMEBODY NEEDS TO BE IN THE FAMILY WAY. BONUS POINTS FOR MAKING IT AS SILLY AS POSSIBLE.</p><p>4) MUST BE A TROLL-FIC! FUNNY, OFF THE WALL, BAD SPELLING, OUTRAGEOUS MARY-SUES, ACCIDENTAL GENDER-SWAP AND OOC BEHAVIOUR WELCOME! COME ON, PEOPLE, WE ALL WANT TO SEE VINCENT CAUGHT HAVING A HOT LOVE AFFAIR WITH CAIT SITH, WE JUST NEVER ADMITTED IT TO OURSELVES BEFORE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	KIDDENS

**Author's Note:**

> This is troll-fic. It's intentionally written as badly as possible as per the guidelines above, set by http://magicrat.deviantart.com/ RT stands for Rabid Tiger, a series of hers.  
> I typed as sloppily as possible, and then edited IN many more typos, misspellings, and punctuation errors.
> 
> I've never played the game, for the record.  
> And if anyone's wondering, I got 3rd place for this mess.

They all met at the bar, Tefa;'s bar. The only bar in town, that nobody ever showed up but them, for some reason. IT WAS TIME. Well, the time, the time he fuckign said.

Cid greeted his friends, "Hello friends!" But then he looked around the bar and noticed there were too many peopel missing. "where the fuck is everyone else? I told them all to be here at 8:32 exactly for my big anouncement!" How could they possibly not want to hear his big announcement? That was unheard of! Well, it would be unheard to them anyway.

Vincent was there of course, he'd drove then there in thier new pink fucking minivan he'd won at the mall raffle yesterday, minivans were good when you had kids, even if they were pink and hidieous, but they were planning to have Teddy bpaint it sop godawful hippie color because it would make him happy to do that shit and it would be better than the damn pink. but other than that, there ware just Cloud Stripe and Reno, Teefa, and Sepholith.

"Yo,nobody else is coming, Sid Dude," Reeno explained. "Wheel of Fortune is having its 400th rerun specail tonight, remember, yo? Most peopel have waited all century fro this moment. Vanna, man, vanna. Yo."

Teefa handed out free beer for all, because it was her damn bar and nobody else was there anyway. Also because she'd found a rat swimming in that particular keg and didn't feel comfortable serving it to her paying customers, assuming she ever had any paying customers. The rat was currently hopefully sobering up in an old jlass tip jar on the bar, and seemed to be gleefully observing the small gropup. If rats did that sort of thing.

"Well Cid," Clod prompted,battign her eyes for no reason at all, "What's your big news? Let me guess, Vincent is pregnant again?"

"No I am not, thank you very much," Vincent replied with a cold undead stare. "Although now that you mention it, he did want to knock me up in my wereworl form so we could have puppies, but I persuaded him otherwise."

"Yeah!" said scid. "But I'm having kittens instead! You can train them to use a litterbox and then you don't have to take them for walks! But we're only keeping 3, for the kids, and you can adopt the rest! isn't that splendind news!"

"oooh I wanna kitten, can I have a kitten?" Clud said, clasping her hands in frot of her pretty dress. It was totally cute, light blueish that matched her eyes, and frills all down one side, but nobody had even complimented her on it! Not even Reno, not even a question about how much it's cost, which was what HE tended to comment on! Buit they'd notice if she was holding a kitten, they'd look at her then. "Pleeeease, rino?"

Sephiloth looked at them all like they'd lost their collective mind. "Cid's going to shit kittnes, why did I show up fior this?" But tiefa shoved several more beers at him quickly, and he shut up. Free beer makes everythign better.

"Noooo, silly! You misunderstand!" cid pattend his hulking murderous stepson on the arm, whoch was not at all appreciated. "I'm not the one who's pregnant, it's Cait!"

"You knocked up homedude's cat?" Reno squinted apreciatively. "badass, yo."

"Well Vincent wouldn't have my puppies, and the kids have been pleading for pets for some time n ow. It seemed the logical solution." Sid spread his arms in a 'ta-da' gesture, griining like a dumb shit.

"Why didn't you just-" Speheolith started, but Teefa shoved more beers at him again and he shut up again. It wasn't really any of his buisness anyway. Well, other than the having kittend for step sibilings part... he rolled his eyes imprtessively and drank his beers. all of them. Quickly.

"Kate is a girls name" clod grumbled, examining her maincure. "And everyone knows girls can't have babies!" She so often cursed her lack of manliness that was depriving her man of babied. Umnless he went out and got knocked by some other dude, but thouse wouldn't be HER babies then...

"pretty sure it's a guy, because yeah, girls can't have babies!" Cid reconsidered, because just want the hell had he fucked? "well maybe even a robot, fuck if i know, but a male one at least because it's definitely havign my kittens! he said he wanted to, siad he'd had a crush on me for years. Wait, can cats even fuckign talk? " nobody answered that.

Tife frowned sadly, she could never be a mother. That sucked, because like clod, she wanted to have somebodies' babies. Which was weird, because she hadn't felt this way until earlier, actually about the tiem she'd saved that damn rat. She mnoticed her tip jar rat had seemingly sobered up some and seemed to be really watchign them with creepy rodent intensity and some sort of fucked up glee. Can rodents smile? Are they supposed to be able to? That was kinda scary.

"Anyway, "Scid went on, "Doc whats-her-face said she expects it'sll be a full litter, so there will be enough for all of you to adobt one!"

"Not sure I want your kittens,yo, no offense man," Reeno backed off a few steps trying to look unresponsible as possible, like the last person you should entrust your half man half robot cat kitten things to. And tried to ignore Cluod's pleadingl looks. Chicks and baby things, what the hell was with that crap?.

"We're calling them 'kiddens' for the record," Vincent chimed in. " And i for one am looking forward to some new and interestign pets."

"But waht if they're evil?" Tifa just had to ask. "Cate is a Sith after all, and everybody knows what that means." That damn rat was laughing at her, wasn't it? it totally fuckign was.

"Nah, Teefa," Csid shook his head. "It means you've been watchign too many movies with those Dethklok boys agian." that band and tneir cool earth movies, of course thay all watched when they got a chance. They hadn't visited in a while...

"SO when are they due?" Akse cloud, looking no less enthused. he wanted one!

"No fuckign clue," Sid answered, "too many factors to figure thaat one out. Couple months maybe?"

Reno was still lookinbg realy worried about getting syuck with mankats he didn't want. "okay, yo, we heard your big news and we have tpo go home now! Bye!" He dragged a very obviously still-pining Clod out the door.

Sephoilith got up to leave too, but paused at the door, looking back and debating whether or not to even bother asking. But whu not, he'd already paused after all. and he was mildly drunk enough to wondeer. "Sid.... not that I care, but why the cat?"

"Because deep down, I'm still a man who loves me some pussy!"


End file.
